Desire, I Want to Turn into You - Caroline Polachek (Anniversary Review)

Desire, I Want to Turn Into You is one of the most exciting pop records of this decade. To celebrate its anniversary (which is also Valentines Day), I am bringing this record back to your attention, front-and-center. It is effervescent, fizzing with the many flavors of pop music and also blending them into a truly profound narrative. Caroline’s long anticipated sophomore project abounds with themes of hopeless romanticism, violence, escapism, and (of course) desire.

Not even a few tracks deep, “Welcome to My Island” is already one of the album’s most excellent tracks. This unapologetic overture boasts 80s-inspired synths and overdrive guitar. Caroline is a siren performing her vocal acrobatics, luring you into the shores of her island until you cannot escape. In the verses, she recites the title like a hypnotic mantra: “Welcome to my island / Hope you like me, you ain’t leaving.” In the bridge, she then finds herself in a manic state. Caroline is staring into the water, singing about being her father’s daughter and hyper-fixating on her reflection as the “water’s turning red.” Unwaveringly, she demands the impossible in the chorus: to turn into Desire itself.

In the second track, “Pretty in Possible”, Caroline transports us into a fleeting daydream reminiscent of Cocteau Twins and 90s trip hop such as Massive Attack. Caroline’s stream-of-consciousness lyrics, her melismatic vocals, and the song’s strange structure can be quite dizzying altogether but create a strong effect. With each of these elements, she channels the intoxicating sensation of being in love. This song also features erotic undertones, as Caroline sings tenderly and seductively about having “one eye on the lava” and “lipstick on [her] thigh.” “Pretty In Possible” then fades out into a bed of strings tinged with melancholy.

After the second track, we have “Bunny is a Rider”, a song that is more playful and escapist at heart. Bunny is a Rider jumps around with a bubbly bass line and an audio clip of co-producer Danny L. Harle’s baby giggling. We don’t know anything about who “Bunny” is. She is perpetually nonphysical, “AWOL” on Thursdays, and difficult to reach. But like Caroline advertises: “Anyone can be Bunny, at least for three minutes and seventeen seconds.”

Like the previous track, “Sunset” is escapist as well, fraught with majestic flamenco rhythms and guitar strumming that sounds weirdly acoustic and digital at the same time. Caroline compares her lover to a safety net, embracing her with a warm horizon in their arms. “Sunset” ends in a pure resolution that only exists in Caroline’s universe: the romantic cliche of riding away into a sunset, leaving the world behind.

“Crude Drawing of an Angel” and “Butterfly Net” both use the transience of love as a centerpiece. Both songs even use similar melodies during similar lyrics. In the former, Caroline is possessive and selfish, holding tightly onto a fleeting lover’s presence (“So that after you’re gone / I got something to hold onto”). Meanwhile, in the latter, Caroline is instead accepting her loss and the intangibility of a lover’s presence (“So that after you’d gone / I could hold onto something”).

Another standout track is “I Believe,” which is also an ode to intangibility or, more precisely, the immortality of one’s soul. It is an anthem of faith, that, even through loss and distance, we’ll “get another day together” with our loved ones. Caroline has wholeheartedly dedicated this track to SOPHIE, a visionary, avant-pop artist, and beloved friend of hers who passed away in 2021. SOPHIE was a legendary pioneer of electronic music who used electronic tools and synthesized sounds in a wildly innovative way. To emulate and honor SOPHIE’s ethos, Caroline created this futuristic garage track that erupts with “violent love” for her.

Another notable mention on the album is “Fly to You” featuring Dido and Grimes, whose vocal contributions elevate an otherwise simple song. The track is sleekly produced with liquid drum and bass that whispers “PinkPantheress.” At this particular point in the record, Caroline is in a euphoric state, unconcerned with any emotional torment or urge to escape. She is not just merely soaring; She is flying to her special person.

This euphoric state continues in “Blood and Butter”, which channels Kate Bush (“The Sensual World”) by bringing bagpipes into an ethereal, tropical blend. Suddenly, the air around Caroline is humid and warm, straight out of a summer night. Caroline sings in mixolydian mode, conjuring images of holy water and the sun as big as a “fire in the sky.” This track feels like a huge spiritual upward spiral.

We also have the lullaby-like “Hopedrunk Everasking,” akin to the phantasmagorical “Go as a Dream” from Caroline’s debut record Pang. The lyrics are absolutely breathtaking, and the music makes for a perfect final song before bed. Polachek pulls away from the desire that consumes her, reminding us that love is as ephemeral as dawn or night and that even “centuries come and go”. If this wasn’t a song, it very well could pass as a standalone poem.

In "Smoke,” Caroline cannot suppress her desire and agitation, downplaying it as exactly that: “just smoke.” However, something has shifted atop her tectonic breakbeats and the cracking of the earth. Caroline has almost fully surrendered herself to her desire. “You are melting everything about me,” she sings as she loses her sense of self. Even when she is in denial of her strong emotions or a tumultuous situation, her soaring soprano lines confess them with clarity.

After “Smoke” fizzles away in a seamless transition, “Billions” makes for a very satisfying closer to the album. In what is arguably her best song yet, Polachek brings us through an otherworldly soundscape to the culmination of her desire. She internalizes the title of the album and finally turns into ‘Desire’ itself (as impossible as that sounds). A children’s choir takes over the microphone, singing of how she has “never felt so close” to the object of her desire. Polachek exudes pure sensuality as she sings about pearls in oysters, being tangled in cables, and even ‘sexting sonnets.” Her poetry captures an already immense yearning, summoning overflowing cups and cornucopias. She has embraced the truth: nothing can contain her desire.

Caroline herself has likened Desire, I Want to Turn Into You to a spectrum, opening with “total selfishness” (“Welcome to My Island”) and dissolving into “total selflessness” (“Billions”). In this stunning sophomore record, Polachek philosophizes that desire is as greedy as it is generous. She knows this firsthand, craving the abundance of love all to herself while simultaneously wanting to share it with a lover. Track by track, Polachek fully embraces the kaleidoscopic, never-ending fractal of desire. She forever chases the illusion of an edge, seeking absolute fulfillment.

P.S. Caroline’s “Everasking Edition” of the album is out today (Valentine's Day)! This deluxe edition features the bizarre bonus track “Dang” and an extended, remixed version of Butterfly Net with Weyes Blood.

Elijah Santos